My throat is dry. My palms sweaty. I haven’t slept well the past two days.

I’m running away tomorrow morning. I bought a one way plane ticket off of an impulse my sadness brought to me. Indifferent. I feel very little. Not excited or rebellious.

Only sad that I’ll be leaving my cat behind in Arkansas, though I know I’m leaving him in good hands. The best, maybe. He’ll be better off without me.

You can’t run away from yourself, but I’ll be damned if I don’t try something.

“lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless, and lonely can be healing if you make it.”

i’m really discouraged and lonely, lately.
i feel incapable of letting the past fade away.
i’m tired of carrying all this pointless shame.

i have no one in my life that i trust and it feels horrible.
damn.

i want to be with someone, in silence. and i don’t want it to feel awkward, ‘cause it doesn’t have to be. i just have nothing to say. i want to drown out my sadness with music, with the chirps of birds and crickets. i want to cry, in silence, without being asked if i’m okay. because i will be in the morning.

i want to be in an empty, white room with paint on my hands and kindness in my voice. sincere. 

i want to sing and slow dance and spend all of my time drawing or reading or climbing up into mountains.

sick of strangers, of anger and hatred.
why is the world so loud and vicious?